When The Unthinkable Happens…

I’m currently reading a book called “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way” by Lysa TerKeurst. I got this book as a gift for Christmas and at the time I was excited to read through it. I was expecting to learn to be content with where my life was because at the time, I wasn’t. Then I got accepted to go on the World Race and I had something new to look forward to. I was no longer sitting in discontent, but rather looking forward to a new season with excitement and hope for the future. Even though I felt the book was no longer relevant to my circumstances, I still decided to read it now because it was on my bookshelf and I had just finished the previous book I was reading. 

Then the unthinkable happened. I got the phone call at 5:30 when I was in the middle of making dinner. As the words were being spoken into my ear; chills spread throughout my whole body, every muscle went weak, and tears threatened to fall into the noodles I had been cooking. After hanging up the phone, I somehow managed to turn off the stove before sinking to the floor, now with tears flooding out of my eyes as the sobs got heavier and heavier. 

I’m not going to go into the details of what happened because that’s not my part of the story to tell. Besides, everyone’s “unthinkable” looks different. So many unthinkable things happen in this world day to day and my point in writing is not to tell you what unthinkable thing I am processing, but rather how God has showed up in the past 24 hours of my grieving.

Like all normal people, I questioned how this can happen and thought how much it shouldn’t have happened. I question how God can be good and still let something so terrible happen. Even while writing this, tears are falling down my face as I’m processing that bad things can happen even with a sovereign God in control. While doubting and questioning, the song ringing through my mind was “How Great Thou Art.” At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. I’ve just been told something unthinkable has happened and I’m singing about how good God is?! Instead of fighting it though, I played the song on my phone and listened to it as more tears flowed and flowed. I started praying for a miracle and realized that in this moment, when I’m processing the unthinkable, I have to be reminded of the goodness of God or more doubts are going to creep in and my soul will fall apart. It was then that I decided to listen to a few worship songs on repeat and begged the Truth to be louder than my fears and my pain… These are the songs and the Truth’s they remind me of: 

*How Great Thou Art (God’s greatness is bigger than any circumstance)

*I Have This Hope – Tenth Avenue North (God is my hope even while I’m crying) 

*Even If – MercyMe (Bad things happen, but I can still Trust God)

*Miracles – Jesus Culture (God is a God of miracles) 

After driving around for a while listening to these songs on repeat, I made my way to my Bible Study where we were talking about the book of Job. Here’s a little background on Job: He was a good guy (God calls Him blameless and upright in verse 2:3), and he lost EVERYTHING. He lost all his possessions (he was pretty wealthy), all his children died, and his health fell apart. Job was obviously questioning why this all happened to him when there appeared to be no reason at all. Job has three friends who try to help him through his unthinkable circumstances. They all blame sin and think he deserves it and maybe even deserves worse because who are we compared to God? Then, this young guy comes out of nowhere and speaks to Job. Rather than blaming sin, this guy named Elihu points Job back to God and believes God is using this suffering to shape Job. He doesn’t try to help Job understand but encourages Him to trust Him. As I sat through this Bible study with my mind wandering, I started journaling instead and this is what I wrote: 

Knowing the answer to the question “why?” is not going to change the circumstances. It’s not going to make the hurt go away. Asking “why?” is not the right question to ask in times of suffering. Rather, we should ask “who is in control?” We should stop and seek God and remind ourselves of who He is and who we are in relation to Him… because no matter what happens, no matter how great the pain and how big our suffering feels, God is greater and bigger than ALL of it. He is a good Father even when things seem to be in chaos. Only He knows what is truly right and just. We will never understand fully why terrible things happen. We won’t even be able to comprehend the answers if we know them. But we CAN turn our eyes to the Almighty, Powerful God whose love reaches down into the darkest most terrible things that happen in this broken and sinful world.  

I went home from Bible study that night exhausted and with a splitting headache, tears still threatening to fall at any minute, still not understanding why this unthinkable situation has happened to someone I love. I wanted to sleep and have it all go away and I definitely didn’t want to read my Bible. And yet, I picked up my Bible and started reading. The first verse I read was Isaiah 59:1 “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear.” It was exactly what I needed to read in that moment. I was in awe of how God was speaking to me even in the freshest moments of my grieving. Even after that, there’s more. The book I mentioned earlier I’m reading, well it now seems too relevant. Turns out, while Lysa was writing it and suffering through her unthinkable circumstances, she too was studying the book of Job.  I now understand why I’m reading that book at this moment, and I can’t help but wonder if God is shaping me. As cruel as it seems, I feel like God might be preparing me for unthinkable circumstances I might face while on the World Race. 

Even with all that God has taught me in this short amount of time I’ve been grieving, I’m still hurting. Moment by moment it is a fight to block out my fears and doubts with Truth. Moment by moment I’m holding back tears, praying for a miracle and reminding myself of who I believe God is. So, if you’re facing an unthinkable circumstance, I encourage you to ask who God is, seek that Truth. I’m not going to promise you it will be easier or promise you that the pain will go away. But I will promise you that God is good no matter what we feel and that His love touches even the darkest parts of this world. When the unthinkable happens, try not to ask why, but rather turn your eyes to the Almighty God who controls the ocean (Job 38:8), who names the stars (Psalm 147:4) and who suffered as we suffer (Isaiah 53:3, Matthew 26:39, Hebrews 2:18). Tie your Hope to the Lord and not to circumstances. Fight for the Truth to be louder than doubt or fear and remember God is in control and you are loved.