Calling All Prayer Warriors!

As I ponder what I want to write for my next blog, the only idea that has been popping into my head is to write more about the route I’ll be going on and which 11 countries I’ll visit. There’s just one problem.. I don’t really know. I don’t really know what I’m doing with my life or what God is doing with my life. I know I’m leaving for this super awesome opportunity called the World Race where I pray I will learn more about what I want to do with my life and where God is calling me, I just don’t know which countries that will be in just yet. 

I’m definitely leaving in October, which means there are three different routes I can choose from. I’m currently signed up for route 2 (if you want to know what the 3 routes are use this link https://www.worldrace.org/routes/ scroll down to the October 2019 routes). Although, recent events have caused me to question whether or not this is actually the route God is calling me to. I chose this route because it includes Kenya. After going there twice and falling in love with it, I would jump at the opportunity to return. The reason I chose to do the World Race is because I knew God was calling me into missions, but I don’t really know what that looks like still. So, I’m wondering if I’ve elevated my desire to go back to Kenya and therefore missed that God wants to send me on a different route which will bring me to 11 countries I have never been to before. 

What do I do with these questions? I pray of course. Which leads me to what I actually want to talk about in this post… Prayer has always been a kind of tricky topic for me, which is ironic because, if you ask anyone who knows me well, they’ll tell you that I never stop talking! And prayer is talking to God, so this shouldn’t be a problem right? However, for quite a while I’ve doubted prayer, the power of prayer and the necessity of prayer. I think the root of this was because answers to prayers did not look  how I expected them to. I expected some big huge change to happen right away. Maybe a story will help you understand what I mean: I remember a time when I got locked out of my townhouse at Corban because my key just wouldn’t work, and it was around 2 am. I had just gotten home from a movie and my roommates were all sleeping. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep, and I really didn’t want to have wake any of my roommates up, but I was scared I wouldn’t have a choice. After a few minutes of me trying my key again and again with nothing happening, I opened my mouth and out loud prayed “God! Let this work. You can open this door for me.” I totally expected the door to open right away and soon I would be cozy in my bed. NOPE! Then I had the audacity to get angry with God because I was so frustrated that my prayer to open the door didn’t work… I eventually made it into the house, and looking back at it I laugh at myself for being silly about something so small. However, the position I was in with prayer was not small since prayer is such an essential part of having a relationship with Jesus. This battle has recently gotten much easier and the doubts are now few and far between, but I’ll get to that more later. First though, I want to tell you a little bit about how they got worse because of something called hypnopompic hallucinations. In other words, sometimes I have extremely vivid and realistic and also nightmarish hallucinations that happen in the process of me waking up and I cant really wake myself up fully from them when they’re happening. I’ve tried. Usually, when they’re happening I think that I’m doing everything I can to wake myself up by yelling or splashing water on my face, when in reality I’m completely still and silent as if I was still fully asleep. One of these incidents was so bad that all I could do why cry out to Jesus, and when I did, whatever it was that I was hallucinating told me that I was weak and powerless against it. When I eventually woke up from it, I told myself it wasn’t real. The enemy had a different story though. More and more I started to believe the lies that prayer was pointless and did nothing. I believed God heard me, but He didn’t care and nothing I said to Him would ever change His plans so there was no point. I am so THANKFUL God did not let those lies win.

It was certainly a battle, and I had more incidents with the hallucinations where prayer did not meet my expectations, but I didn’t give up. God used my doubts and my struggle to draw me closer to Him. Fast forward a little bit and I’m in Kenya getting my assignment for my summer internship. I was told that I would be working with a spiritual development officer (SDO) and would be in classrooms teaching Bible lessons, songs and more. I was stoked, and then… as often happens in missions.. things didn’t go as planned. The SDO I was with ended up traveling to a different school each week within the slums to lead in the prayer room at medical camps that were being put on by short term teams from the states. And I got to travel with him. I soon started being called the prayer intern. I totally did not understand why God would put me in that position, all things considered. In my mind, I was definitely NOT the right person to be praying with so many wonderful people for their health. Yet, day after day I found myself in another prayer room, asking people if they knew Jesus and asking if and how I can pray for them. Throughout the summer, I started to see prayer in a new light. I never experienced God miraculously heal anybody through prayer, but even then I would still offer to pray with someone. I never had anyone turn down a prayer (well actually one person did but that’s a whole other story), and even those who didn’t believe in God would tell us what they wanted prayer for! It was incredible and my view of prayers (as well as my expectations) changed radically! Men and women were encouraged and found hope through those prayers, and even when they did not get healed immediately, I could see relief in their eyes just knowing someone was lifting them up to the Father. 

God does not ask us to pray expecting some big giant immediate answer or change. But He does ask us to pray about all things (Philippians 4:6). Pray builds hope. Prayer brings encouragement. Prayer is an awesome opportunity to have a conversation with THE CREATOR OF THE WORLD (how cool!). Prayer strengthens a relationship with God. Prayer is powerful and necessary, even when God’s answer does not come right away or in the form we expect. The reason I’ve told you all this, is because I know that I need to pray, and I’ve come to cherish the fact that we even have the blessing of prayer. I also know that I need a community of believers praying with me as well. Scripture leads us to not only pray on our own (Matthew 6:6), but also to pray together (Matthew 18:20). I rejoice in the victory I’ve had over my doubt in prayer, however there are still times when it might creep in. This post is my first prayer request and I’m sure there will be many more during this journey. This is an invitation for you to join me on this ministry through prayer. I wanted to be honest with everyone about where I’ve been with prayer and where I stand now so that you can all understand how much it means to me to have people praying for me, especially when the doubts might creep in. Like I said earlier, the doubts are few and far between, but even then it is a comfort to be to have a team of people praying for me and with me. So, will you join me? Will you pray with me? Both now for clarity of which route to choose, and later when I face challenges on the field. 

Blessings, 

~Kaci